Matt's Couch and Bigscreen

The Poop for June

2005-06-25T11:22:00.000-04:00

Ta-Da!
Batman Begins is a huge triumph!
Chappelle's Show Season 2 on DVD bitch!
Spur's win the NBA Finals
My new gas grilland cooking out almost every day!

The Bungus
The Cleveland Indians are still way out of first
The air conditioning at work has been broken for over 3 weeks and it is HOT!

S.W.A.T. (2003)

2005-06-25T11:05:00.000-04:00

This is a fun action movie that should not be overlooked. Samuel L. Jackson plays Hondo the leader of an outcast S.W.A.T. unit who is being set up to fail. The movie builds to an exciting finale involving an international prisoner who is being moved to a more secure prison and an effort to break him out of custody. If you sre in the mood for a starghtforward shootem-up picture then this one should leave you smiling. 3 of 3 for S.W.A.T.

Batman Begins (2005)

2005-06-25T10:57:00.000-04:00

This was my favorite superhero movie yet! The movie is wonderfully paced and very well written. It is a bit darker than previous movies in the franchise and the story shows far more depth. We get a ton of back story on Bruce Wayne and what motivates and drives him to become the caped crusader. Christian Bale is fantastic as Batman and they do a great job showing the importance of his relationship with James Gordon, one of his few allies in the fight against the corruption that has overtaken Gotham City. The costume and effects are knock your socks-off good and the ending was immensely satisfying. I love the new Batmobile which is a high tech tank. This is a must see. I am turning on the Bat-signal and giving this one 5 of 5.

Flight of the Phoenix (2004)

2005-05-21T11:55:00.000-04:00

Boring! This "thriller" stars Dennis Quaid and Giovanni Ribisi. The movies excitement is over within the first 20 minutes as the airplane carrying a bunch of recently fired oil rig workers crash lands in the middle of the Gobi Desert. The remainder of the movie is spent with characters bickering back and forth about what to do and who is in charge. Ribisi plays Elliot, a plane designer and far and away the most interesting of the characters who faces off with Quaid shortly after the crash. There is a plot twist close to the end that is not enough to save the movie from the monotony that you sit through for the majority of the film. The movie also picks up right at the finale and ends on an up note right after some dark events. This transition didn't seem quite smooth enough. Flight of the Phoenix crashes with 2 of 5.

Team America: World Police (2004)

2005-05-19T12:22:00.000-04:00

Holy crap is this a wild ride. Definitely not for kids, The South Park creators have set their sites on Hollywood with precision accuracy. Team America is a police force that operates worldwide fighting terrorism and doing more damage than good as they go and wind up in a showdown with the Film Actors Guild or F.A.G.'s. The movie is really played as a straightforward action movie with a incredible amount of vulgarity and sexually related dialogue. The sex scene must be seen to be believed! The inspirational speech given by the protagonist (that he gets from a drunk in a bar) is a classic moment.
Offensive and in remarkably bad taste this gets 4 of 5.

The Poop for May

2005-05-12T09:10:00.000-04:00

Ta-Da!
Enterprise is now on DVD!
Tribe has a 5-4 road trip
Batman Begins release moves up to 6/15/05
Land of the Dead release moved from October up to June

The Bungus
Enterprise ends Friday 5/13/05
Kellen Winslow wrecked his bike and probably won't play this season (TE for the Browns)

Fallen (1998)

2005-05-10T18:48:00.000-04:00

This movie was a huge dissapointment. It was well acted by Denzel Washington and has a story that keeps you interested up to the very end. So what blew it for me? Well halfway through the movie they show you something that lets you know how it will end. When it happened I thought "there is no way they will end the movie this way. It would just be stupid!" Guess how it ended. Yep. Stupid. The acting and story earn this stinker 2 of 5.

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005)

2005-05-04T13:06:00.000-04:00

If you haven't already read the book, drop what you are doing, grab a Dr. Pepper and go buy this book. After reading it go see the movie. Gee Whiz was this a lot of fun. It captured the off the wall wackiness of the novel very well and the characters really came alive. Many of the funniest parts of the book were the explanations of various places and cultures, and thankfully they are shown through the movie as animations in the "hitchhiker's guide" book with accompanying narrations. They were nicely inserted into the movie without detracting from the main story-line. There are loads of really cool effects in the movie so there is plenty of visual and comedic excitement throughout. If you are a wacky, zany funnster then this movie is a must see. Of course the book is better and funnier but this is still a great way to spend a couple hours. This one found its way to 4 of 5.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)

2005-05-04T12:29:00.000-04:00

Holy crap! What a stinker. This piece of bungus is not for everybody. It is a terribly written, horrendously acted movie that has special effects that are just as bad. The saving grace for this schlock is the vast plethora of great bad lines. Its claim to fame is THE LINE which is infamous among fans of movie lines. Watch this at your own risk. After several self inflicted gunshot wounds I gave this 2 of 5.

Dirty Pretty Things (2002)

2005-04-05T08:27:00.000-04:00

This film was a pleasant surprise! It is the story of two illegal immigrants working in a London hotel. Nigerian immigrant Okwe is a former doctor who works the front desk and finds a human heart in a toilet on a call to room 510. The mystery evolves from there with several plot twists and revelations that I won't give away. It is well acted and directed but got a bit slow at times. The story and characters is interesting enough to us through those bits and the ending was satisfying for this thriller. Exceeding my expectations this dirty piece of work get 3 of 5.

2005-04-04T15:39:00.000-04:00

Ta-Da!
Sin City
Battlestar Galactica season finale
Invasion Iowa
Baseball! Go Tribe!

The Bungus
The death of the Pope
8 inches of freaking snow on 4/2/2005! Cripes!

Zombie (1979 U.S.A. title)

2005-04-04T12:49:00.000-04:00

Zombie is a fun undead picture directed by Lucio Fulci. The coast guard spots an unmanned boat floating off of New York City. A Zombie that is on board kills one of the coast guard before being shot and knocked overboard. The daughter of the boats owner travels to Matul Island along with a journalist who is investigating in an effort to find her father. The majority of the action takes place on the island and there is tons of gore goodness. There is an underwater fight scene between a zombie and a shark that is truly unique and really well done. While not as good as Dawn of the Dead this zombie picture should not disappoint fans of the Romero series. This one gets a very bloody 4 of 5.

Sin City (2005)

2005-04-04T12:13:00.000-04:00

Drop what you are doing and go see this movie right now. This “noir” film is the most accurate adaptation of a comic to hit the big screen ever. Frank Miller is one of the most popular comic book creators of all-time and certainly stands among the most influential. This movie is a prime example of how his influence has come to film. If you have read the comics then you know exactly what you are in store for. The black and white contrasts that made the comic book have so much visual impact is present in the movie. The film contains 3 different yarns each featuring its own story of ultra-violent revenge in the town without pity. The violence is tremendous and has just as much style as the rest of the storytelling. This is easily one of the coolest looking movies ever and gets 5 of 5.

Deranged (1973)

2005-03-23T11:48:00.000-05:00

This film is based on Ed Gein, the serial killer that inspired the Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Psycho and Hannibal Lector. The Names of the characters have been changed but the story itself is based on actual events. It is the story of Ezra Cobb who has been caring for his mother for years and after she dies he is so lonely that he digs up her body and brings her home to her room. From here he continues to descend into madness as he begins exhuming bodies to use parts to repair his mother and eventually begins killing and cannibalizing the living! This is an old school horror film with all of the effects you would come to expect from a 70’s screamer film. I really enjoyed this movie and give it 3 of 5.

Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959)

2005-03-21T12:18:00.000-05:00

This picture is based on the Jules Verne classic novel. This 2-hour plus epic is a little slow at times but still manages to be quite satisfying. The story is simple enough with Professor Oliver Lindenbrook (James Mason) leading a group on a Journey through a passage in a volcano in Iceland down into the center of the earth. Along the way they encounter falling rocks, salt caverns, crystals, huge lizards and a forest of giant mushrooms. A headstrong Mrs. Carla Goetaborg (Arlene Dahl) joins the explorers on this expedition and her purpose, apart from adding some sex appeal is to quibble with Professor Lindenbrook for hid constant chauvinistic remarks. Good but not great this one gets 3 of 5.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974)

2005-03-19T11:02:00.000-05:00

This gem is a vampire hunter film made by Hammer Films that has many exciting plot twists. Captain Kronos (Horst Janson) is a former military captain who was forced to kill his wife and child after they had become vampires. Professor Grost (John Cater) is a vampire expert who joins the good captain in his battle against the undead. Their journey brings them to a small village where the young women are being turned into old women as a vampire is robbing them of their youth. While this movie is hardly terrifying by today's standards it is well directed, the cinematography is beautiful and the storyline is compelling . Captain Kronos is a swashbuckling swordsman and there are a number of entertaining swordfights throughout. There are also many memorable characters like the village ruffian in the bar and the wealthy Durwood family. This movie would have been perfect for sequels but unfortunately it was not to be. Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter gets 4 of 5.

Hero Squared X-tra Sized Special #1

2005-03-18T11:32:00.000-05:00

Issue number one is very promising for this series! Written by Keith Giffen and J.M. DeMatteis, the same folks that gave us Justice League back in the Eighties, this is 32 no-advertisement pages of hysterical banter and interdimensional goodness. The plot revolves around an underachieving film director who gets paid a visit by his alternate universe self who turns out to be a bonafide superhero with superpowers named Captain Valor. The villian of the book tries to kill Captain Valor but unknowingly transports him to an alternate Earth where he seeks out his alternate self. The majority of the issue features these two characters bickering back and forth about the situation. Fans of the old Justice League will recognize Blue Beetle, Booster Gold, L-Ron and even Manga Khan’s personalities shining through in the characters of this book. While impeccably written, I found the artwork by Joe Abraham to be slightly subpar and the printing seemed to make the book look a little cheap. Despite these drawbacks I still give Hero Squared a 4 of 5 for its monumental entertainment value.

Constantine (2005)

2005-03-14T17:59:00.000-05:00

Constantine is a film based upon the Vertigo/DC comic book Hellblazer. This is the story of the supernaturally gifted John Constantine (Keanu Reeves) who is helping Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz) solve her sisters suicide. This is a journey through the world of angels and demons who attempt to influence people as the war between heaven and hell rages. Constantine has committed a mortal sin and his soul is destined for hell. He spends his life trying to earn his way into heaven by battling Lucifer and his demons. The special effects in this move are fantastic and it does manage to include a few of the best storylines from the comic book series. The movie presents a complex and epic story of good and evil while telling the two main characters stories parallel to the larger one. If the movie is guilty of anything it is being over ambitious and too complicated. While I enjoyed this picture, I still prefer the comic to what is presented here. Hoping they get it right in the sequel this one maintains the balance with 3 of 5.

Fantastic Voyage (1960)

2005-03-14T17:15:00.000-05:00

This Sci-fi classic takes a surgical team on a journey through the human body in an effort to repair a blood clot in the brain of a scientist who holds information that is vital to national security. This team is miniaturized in a submarine and injected into the bloodstream to travel to the blood clot and undo the damage. Grant (Stephen Boyd) is a CIA agent responsible for watching Dr. Duval (Arthur Kennedy) during the mission who is suspected of being a saboteur; but he alone has the know-how to complete the operation. Nothing goes smoothly and there a several plot twists that keep this one interesting. I have no doubt the special effects were state of the art in their day, however, many scenes were drawn out for long periods of time so that we could enjoy the marvelous colorful blobs floating all over the screen. The good plot and acting more than make up for the age of the special effect. Fantastic Voyage comes into port with 3 of 5.

The People That Time Forgot (1977)

2005-03-07T18:52:00.000-05:00

Here is another picture directed by Kevin Conner that is based on an Edgar Rice Burroughs novel. And look who guest stars… Doug McClure! I am beginning to think Doug was the Bruce Campbell of Seventies B-adventure movies. But I digress. The sequel to the Land That Time Forgot, this movie has an expedition to the Antarctic island of Caprona led by Major Ben McBride (Patrick Wayne) in search of Bowen Tyler (Doug McClure) who was lost there years prior by a previous expedition. This picture boasts arial battles with rubber pteradactyls, prehistoric cultures and an evil race that makes human sacrifices to the living volcano that controls the island. Davis Prouse of Darth Vader fame had just finished filming Star Wars before he made his brief appearance in this film as the masked executioner. The climax of this movie features more explosions than I recall seeing in any other picture and musters itself a 3 of 5.

At The Earths Core (1976)

2005-03-07T17:15:00.000-05:00

This film is based on the novel by Edgar Rice Burroughs and is a dandy. Kevin Conner directed this underworld adventure that takes Dr. Abner Perry (Peter Cushing) and the dashing David Innes (Doug McClure) on a scientific journey from Victorian England into the Earth’s core. This was approximately 90 minutes of nonstop cheesy action that I was eating by the shovel load! Doug McClure fights rubber birdmen who rule an evil subhuman civilization that is enslaving members of two underworld tribes who are themselves at odds with one another. Peter Cushing gives a fine performance as the Doctor whose intellect (and comic relief) is nice compliment to McClure’s brawn. At the Earth’s Core has a giant digging machine, rubber creatures, warring civilizations, explosions aplenty and gets 4 of 5 from this fella with questionable taste in motion pictures.

Here Chris goes again!

2005-03-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

I have known this guy for about 25 years and if I have to listen to him blather on and on, you should too. Visit his new blog and hear what he is complaining about now!

Lex Luthor: Man of Steel #1

2005-03-03T10:13:00.000-05:00

This is one of the best Superman books I have read in a long time and this 5 issue mini-series has the potential to be one of the best stories yet. It is written by Brian Azzarello who is certainly among my favorite writers and reveals Luthor to be an incredibly deep character. This book hints at his motive for hating Superman and at the same time helps us to see how he feels about humanity in general. Humanity versus "the Alien" seems to be the focus of this book and how Superman makes humanity less rather than more. An interesting concept where Luthor is the hero and Superman is the villain, from Lex's perspective. Lee Bermejo's art has never looked better, and the colors really bring this book alive. This one left me dying for more, run out and buy this now kiddies! No brainer, this ones a 5 of 5.

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

2005-03-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

Holy crap are my fingers tired from typing the title to this one! This XBOX game is the sequel to KOTOR and damn is it tasty! I have yet to complete the game but I feel compelled by the force to discuss its many virtues. While the graphics seem to have taken a small step back the new features more than make up for it. There are a bunch of new skills and force powers for your Jedi to use while completing tasks and fighting their way across the galaxy. The story is as in depth as the original and you once again journey to many worlds completing tasks as you make the story unfold. Once again your choices determine weather you will follow the light or dark side. You can also gain or lose the influence of the adventures who accompany you depending on your interactions with them. This game has soaked up tons of my time and I have loved every moment of it. Following the light side of the force,this game commands 5 of 5.

The Great Train Robbery (1979)

2005-03-01T20:56:00.000-05:00

This train heist movie is based upon the Michael Crichton book of the same name. Michael Crichton wrote the screenplay and directed this film and the end product is an exciting and accurate interpretation of the novel. While the book is better and more vivid, the film is immensely satisfying and contains all of the key elements from the book. Sean Connery gives a typical solid performance with his usual charm and flair accompanied by Donald Sutherland as his co-conspirator. The costumes are outstanding and you do get a feeling you are in 19th century Victorian England. I was interested form start to finish and would definitely recommend this to those who are looking for something other than a new release caper. This bad boy gets 4 of 5.